By WP ~
I have been a Christian my whole life but the past two years have completely broken the mind fuck spell I was placed under.
Growing up my mom would take me to baptist church in Louisiana. I always hated that because I remember being a 5 year old kid and being screamed at that I was going to suffer for eternity because I was trying to nap during service.
Fast forward to high school and a different state and a different church and my story takes a turn. We started going to a church in Las Vegas and it was all the rage. They had the best worship, the best lighting and the best indoctrination program I have ever witnessed. I bought the “truth” hook line and sinker and I fervently dedicated my teenage life to being the best Christian I could be. I was on the worship team and I went to every camp imaginable.
My junior year of high school I found out that I suffered from severe depression with some especially bad bouts of suicidal thoughts. At one point I actually tried to jump off of a parking garage but was tackled by security. Once word of this reached my youth pastor he instilled in me a sense of purpose that “Jesus saved you to carry out his will.” I ate that shit up and i wasted quite a few years pursuing full time ministry.
Out of high school I worked at several different churches in a worship leader capacity but I was unable to support myself financially doing that. Churches have a way of convincing you that wanting a paycheck is wrong. Ultimately I ended up back at the big church that “cured my depression.” I got a full time position as a facilities technician and life seemed great except for the fact that the past two years working this job I have lost all belief in god. The constant gossip and mind fuckery has obliterated any and all belief in a god.
In that moment it became clear that this place was manipulating people for money. My depression resurfaced and I’ve been seeing a real counselor that has really opened my eyes to the fact that I have a mental condition that no one can fix and god can’t magically take away. I have real problems, real bills and the magic man in the sky isn’t going to fix or pay for them. The day my eyes were opened to the farce I was sitting in a meeting and the head of financing care up to me and asked why I wasn’t tithing more than 10% of my paycheck.
In that moment it became clear that this place was manipulating people for money.
It suddenly made sense why my pastor had 4 cars and a mansion and why there were some members of the church that were literally starving and homeless. I’ve expressed my evolving views to my wife and she cried for a long time. It was really heartbreaking. She kept asking me how I was going to raise our daughter if I don’t believe in god. I explained that my morals haven’t gone out the window I just don’t believe that a fairy tale magic man exists and that I will control my own actions for my own life and I will raise our daughter to be an active thinker and not fall into this cesspool of simple minds that need a deity to organize their world.
I’m going to teach her that just because the rest of her family is part of a cult and has drunk all of the koolaid it doesn’t mean that she has to do the same.